It can be rare for us to analyse our communication while we are literally in the midst of doing it live, and because of this we tend to miss the crucial moments where we can turn a conversation or interaction around, break an unconscious pattern and get a different outcome. We can get so ingrained in following the same routine and responding to the same triggers that with some people, we just get resigned to going round and round in circles.
To help you bring a new step into your consciousness, you could think of the 3 ‘Ps’.
PACE – here it’s important to gain rapport and set the pace and tone for the conversation before you launch into it.
PAUSE – this is the critical middle bit. As you pause, consciously turn the dialogue off in your head and contemplate the following:
Perspective
Am I seeing the situation from the other perspective/s? What is their interpretation and version of this conversation?
Present
Am I 100% present in this given moment? Anything less and you’re doing them a disservice and will miss something valuable or vital to the conversation.
Predict
What am I predicting will happen? Force yourself to see another outcome or a different point of view to make sure you’re breaking your unconscious patterns.
PROVIDE – go back to the conversation and switch your delivery so that you’re providing the content in their language, or to match their model of the world to help with their clarity and understanding.
When we have rushed snatches of conversations, deadlines looming and frustration pending, the actual process of pausing can easily be forgotten or skipped. If you can get in the habit of doing it however, you’ll find you create less misunderstanding and resistance, and will get more real and improved interactions. Needless to say, this works at home as well as work!